Inuyasha's 13 Days of Halloween
by sentinel28
Summary: The last day: all the horror movies have been defeated, and the Inutachi have won against everyone, even Naraku. Except that in horror movies, things are never okay at the end. The same is true here. R&R and thanks for sticking with it!
1. Death Takes a Rain Check

_**INUYASHA'S 13 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN**_

**_Crazy Goodness from Sentinel 28A_**

_AUTHOR'S NOTES: Hello, all! In honor of Halloween, for the next 13 days I'll be posting up some quick little Inu-Yasha short stories/ficlettes parodying some of the world's worst (and best) horror flicks. Hope you like it._

_Note that tonight's outing (along with three others in the future) have appeared here before. There will be new stuff, I promise. This is just to whet your appetite. Bon appetit and have a nice fright._

FINAL DESTINATION

"No, Lord Sesshoumaru!" Jaken pleaded. "You don't understand!"

Sesshoumaru bit back a sigh and kept walking, as his faithful but annoying retainer raced to keep up with his even stride. "What don't I understand, Jaken?" he asked with exasperation.

"When you saved Rin, you cheated Death!" Jaken's eyes were wide–well, wider than usual. "And when Death makes a list, he gets upset when someone disrupts his plan!" Sesshoumaru stopped, fixing Jaken with a cold gaze not _unlike_ that of Death. Jaken took a step back, but bravely continued. "Lord Sesshoumaru, Death will come for everyone on the list! He will come for you, milord! Rin will be the death of us all!"

Sesshoumaru merely looked at Jaken for a moment, as if he thought Jaken had lost his mind. Without warning, he drew Tokujin and sliced towards Jaken in a blur. Jaken screamed and covered his eyes, waiting for the inevitable sharp pain of being cut in half; it had happened before. But there was no pain, or sudden darkness. Jaken slowly uncovered his eyes to see Sesshoumaru holding the blade before his nose. Impaled upon it was a deadly Habu snake. A slight smile creased Sesshoumaru's lips as he tossed the dead snake into the trees. "Jaken, I fear little from Death. He, however, fears me, for I have Tensaiga." He wiped the blood on Jaken's shoulder and slid the blade home.

Jaken looked at his webbed feet. "But milord...that snake was a sign...please, milord..."

Rin ran up to them from where she had been walking a few paces behind, chasing a butterfly. She stopped and pointed at Jaken, giggling. "Lord Jaken, you screamed like a little girl! Ha ha ha!"

Jaken looked back up at Sesshoumaru, eyes pleading. Sesshoumaru's smile faded. "I believe," he said with just the hint of a threat, "that Death is not the one who wants to get rid of Rin, Jaken."


	2. A Nightmare On Kagome Street

_AUTHOR'S NOTES: This time, something more or less original. Thanks for all those who R&Red–it's much appreciated. And for those who asked, yes, Samarra will be making an appearance rather soon...(well, sort of)._

_Those of you who aren't familiar with Excel, go rent "Excel Saga." Those who don't want to expose themselves to that sort of insanity can just assume that it's the craziest anime ever made._

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET

Kagome Higurashi walked down the halls of her high school. They were strangely deserted. Nothing moved. Even the air felt heavy. Kagome, the reincarnation of one of Japan's most powerful miko shrine maidens, didn't need her powers to know something was horribly wrong.

She picked up her pace a little, giving a small shudder as she felt..._something..._moving behind her. "I-Inuyasha?" she asked hesitantly, then knew instantly it wasn't Inuyasha. Normally, Kagome was nearly fearless. A mountain of screaming demons barely merited a gasp from her before she nocked an arrow and went to work along with her friends. She had faced down two equally dangerous demons–Sesshoumaru and Naraku–without batting an eyelash. And of course she regularly humiliated a half-demon that would have sent her friends fleeing in fright. But now, Kagome, despite herself, found herself running for her life down a hallway that never seemed to end. Whatever it was, it was moving behind her, getting closer and closer. There was no escape. By now, Kagome realized she was dreaming, but she couldn't wake up, and that thought terrified her all the more.

She came to a halt outside a classroom door, and unthinking in her dream, she reached out and opened the door even as her mind screamed "_No!"_ In real life, Kagome thrashed her covers and shook her head from side to side in an attempt to deny what was happening to her in the dream world. But no help was coming. The Higurashi household slept, and Inuyasha was back in the Sengoku Jidai. Kagome was alone–more alone than she had ever been before.

Kagome walked into the classroom, the door shutting behind her and locking itself. She backed against the wall, reaching for the bow that wasn't there. Before her, the teacher's chair had its back towards her, but there was someone in it. She couldn't see who it was, but there was an ominous clicking sound from it, almost like when Inuyasha would flex his claws to intimidate an opponent.

Slowly, the chair turned around. Reddish light from a bloody moon fell on its occupant. Kagome could see it was a man of sorts–dressed in burnt pants and red and black striped shirt, also scorched. Its face was hidden beneath a fedora hat, and its right hand was covered in a glove–from which protruded four razor-sharp blades. Suddenly the fedora came up to expose the figure's hellish face–a skull covered in burnt skin and exposed muscle. The beady, sunken eyes fell on Kagome, and it–he–smiled. "Hello, Kagome."

Kagome let out her breath. "Oh, it's just you. Whew!" She walked over to her desk and sat down in relief.

The burnt man blinked in surprise, then leapt to his feet. "It's just me," he half-sang in a parody of her voice. "It's just ME!" The voice rose to a screech. "Don't you know who I _am?_"

Kagome nodded. "Sure. Freddy Krueger, haunter of dreams and slayer of teenagers."

"That's _right,_" he leered. "And this _is _a dream, and you _are _a teenager..."

Kagome shrugged. "True."

"But you're not scared?" Freddy asked.

"Nope. Sorry."

He slammed the blades of his right hand through her desk, but Kagome jumped more out of surprise than fear. "Not even a little?"

"Krueger-san, I travel through time regularly. I'm best friends with a half-demon who I'm probably in love with, and he's in love with me...well, maybe..."

"He'll be in love with your corpse!" Freddy leaned close, his breath full of corruption, pulling his claws out of the desk and shaking them in her face.

Kagome pushed them away without a trace of fear. "Well, it wouldn't be the first time. See, he's still in love with his first girlfriend, and _she's_ a corpse. Sort of. Reanimated, made of clay and bones. She's a priestess. Or was. Oh, and I'm her reincarnation, so there's that too."

"Wait, wait." Freddy sat on the teacher's desk. "Let me get this straight. You're in love with a half-demon–"

"I'm not sure if I'm in love or not–"

Freddy waved that aside with the bladed hand. "Let me finish. You're maybe in love with a half-demon, who's maybe in love with you, but who's definitely in love with his first girlfriend, who's a reanimated corpse of a priestess, and you're her reincarnation."

"Yeah, that's it."

Freddy shook his head, completely lost. "Whatever. It still doesn't explain why you aren't having a heart attack back in the real world."

"See, I run into demons all the time. Killed a few of them, too. Not as many as my friend Sango, who's a demon slayer, her and her demon cat, Kirara. My friend Miroku, he has a hellhole in his right hand. Oh, and Shippo, he's a kitsune–that's kind of a demon too."

Freddy took off his hat and massaged his fried forehead with his left hand. "I'm getting a headache..."

"It gets worse. See, there's this other demon–he's a full blooded demon–his name is Kouga. He's madly in love with me, though I consider him just a friend. But he's engaged to this _other_ demon, Ayame, who's crazy about him but he just wants to be friends with her, except he made a promise to marry her when she was young, and–"

Freddy stood up. "Okay, stop. You've made your point." He looked down at her for a moment, then threw up his hands in disgust. "Dammit! Ever since coming to Japan, it's been one thing after another for me. I can't scare anyone to death. Last year it was Shinji Ikari, now you." Freddy sighed in despair.

"Sorry," Kagome sympathized. "You could try Excel across town."

"That airhead? What, are you _crazy?_" Freddy walked to the door and put his hand on the doorknob, then stopped. "Hey, wait a second. You were terrified when you came in here, but you're not even a bit scared of me."

"Oh, that. I thought you might be a math test."

"I give up." Freddy walked out into the hallway. Kagome listened to him mutter to himself as he walked away, then suddenly realized that there was a bow in her desk. (It was far too large for the tiny slot in her desk, but this is a dream, and dreams rarely have logic. Kagome's especially.) Kagome's lips curled into a cruel smile. After all, she had plenty of experience dealing with evil demons like Freddy in her line of work. She nocked an arrow and followed Freddy into the hallway.

"Oh, Krueger-san? You forgot your hat..."


	3. The Z Word

_AUTHOR'S NOTES: A short one this time around, for one of my favorite zombie flicks. Choose your flavor–New or Romero; the effect is the same. No Bruce Campbell...this time..._

_Those of you who are looking for continuity to this fic, don't. Each chapter stands on its own._

DAWN OF THE DEAD

"What _are_ they?" Michael asked as the group of survivors looked out over the parking lot. They were on the roof of a mall. The day before, they had been everyday people–doctors, police officers, mall security. Now they were just desperate people adrift on a sea of the undead: rotting, animated corpses driven by the urge to feed, and there were hundreds of them milling around the mall, searching for a way in.

And more were coming, streaming out of the woods.

"I don't know," Ana replied, shaking her head. "Why are they coming here?"

"Memory maybe," Kenneth the policeman answered. "Instinct." He turned to her. "Maybe they're coming for us."

"Excuse me!"

The voice came from the crowd of zombies beneath them. In shock, the survivors went to the side of the mall. Standing incongrous among the living dead, who studiously ignored her, was a woman dressed in a white kimono with red stripes across it, with fans in her hands and feathers in her hair. She looked normal–except for the two bright red eyes that stared up at them. "Get out of there!" Kenneth shouted.

The woman seemed to ignore his question. "Excuse me," she said in heavily accented English. "Is this Tokyo? Can you direct us to the Higurashi Shrine?"

"What!" Ana exclaimed. "Tokyo? Higurashi Shrine? _Us?"_

"Of course. I and my–" the woman gave an ironic bow with her fans, "–dancing dead."

"You're nowhere _near_ Japan!" Michael yelled back. "This is Wisconsin–Milwaukee, Wisconsin!"

"Wisconsin?" the woman said in disbelief. "Where the hell is Wisconsin?" She scowled. "That fool Naraku! His dimension door spell put me in the wrong place!"

Ana was already almost giddy with disbelief; the sight of this woman was only one more shocker in a long day. "Are you saying you're responsible for this?"

The woman smiled evilly in response. She plucked a feather from her hair and was soon rising into the sky. "Enjoy yourselves!" she yelled down, and the tiny band of survivors would never know if she was talking to them or to the zombies.

Floating on the winds, Kagura looked down at the hordes of zombies and utter destruction. "Hmm," she mused to herself, "perhaps I _did_ get carried away a little."


	4. Hail to the Shogun, Baby

_AUTHOR'S NOTES: Evuljenius, this one's for you. I tell you, it wasn't easy trying to fit in all those quotes!_

_REVIEWS REPLY DEPT.: _

_Kurushimeru: You don't know who Freddy Krueger is? How do you get through Halloween?_

_Cascading Fates: The "Z word" is "zombie." It's a quote from _Shaun of the Dead, _where they parody George Romero never referring to the undead as zombies in his "Dead" films. (Maybe I'll throw in _Shaun of the Dead _in here somewhere...anybody want to see Kagura hit by a cricket bat?)_

_KhaosFire-Katana: Yes, I'm reposting the three little ficlette parodies I wrote last year, including the first one ("Death Takes a Rain Check") and the third one ("The Z Word"). There's only one more left from last year (the parody of _The Ring/Ringu_), and I'm saving that for a rainy day when I don't feel like writing. The other ten I've written or will write to complete the 13 Days will be brand spankin' new. Not too many people got to see the parodies last year, and they fit in well with the concept of this fanfic collection._

_Hawker-748: As always, nice to hear from you. No, no girl comes out of my monitor if I miss an update. Unless it's Faye Valentine. Then she can stay. No plans to do anything from _Alien_ (fitting the Inu-tachi to _Army of Darkness_ was tough enough; I'm not putting them on a spaceship!), but _The Exorcist?_ Yeah, probably. Though in Inuyasha's world, demon possession usually means some wolf youkai claiming you as his own and carting you back to his cave._

_And thanks to everybody else who reads and reviews my stuff. You make my day. Enjoy!_

EVIL DEAD/ARMY OF DARKNESS

Inuyasha had had enough.

He was tired of the villagers trying to shoot him every time he came close to the Shikon no Tama's shrine. He was tired of having to listen to their insults of "foul _hanyou_." He was tired of the little kids, like Kikyo's little sister Kaede, throwing vegetables at him when all he wanted was to visit her sister or get something to eat. He was tired of hearing the mothers of the village talk about "Inuyasha's Forest" and how he would eat the misbehaving children of the village. He didn't like kids, boiled or otherwise.

But most of all, Inuyasha was tired of Kikyo. The shrine maiden was jaw-dropping gorgeous, and seemed so full of life. When she wanted to be, she could be sweet, loving, and gentle–just the thing to drive young _hanyou_ like himself up a wall. However, when the mood was on her, Kikyo could be mean, vindictive, and just plain onery. Pinning him to trees with arrows through his hakama was bad enough, but trying to shoot him in the heart, just because he put his arm around her? That was too much. By all the kami of Japan, Inuyasha thought, he could only take so much crap before he lost it. He had done this before–tore through Kikyo's village bent on wreaking havoc–but usually he was driven off by farmers with various rice threshers and tools, or worse, by Kikyo and her arrows. This time was going to be different.

Inuyasha stomped towards the village, not caring that it had just rained and that the mud was squishing between his toes. The more he thought about Kikyo, the angrier he got. How about that time he had written her a poem, only to have her criticize it for its bad diction? He was a half-demon, in the name of Buddha! It wasn't like he could go to school like other children. Or that time that he had just been minding his own business, and just accidentally happened to see Kikyo naked while she bathed in the hot spring? He could understand her being upset and calling him a pervert, but her attempts to castrate him with arrow fire was going a little far.

Well, he wouldn't have to worry about _that_ anymore, because Inuyasha had finally learned an important lesson: there were other fish in the sea, and if the miko tease was going to play hard-to-get, then that was her problem. Inuyasha stormed into the village. As he had expected, the villagers reacted to his appearance first with shock, then with anger. He heard the epithets, the name-calling, and even had to dodge the odd turnip. He didn't let it bother him. He had bigger miko to fry.

Sure enough, as he neared the shrine of the Shikon no Tama, _she_ was there, waiting for him in the small clearing before the shrine's entrance. Kikyo stood tall in all her pure glory, her bow raised, arrow nocked and pointed right between his eyes. "Leave, Inuyasha!" she commanded in her haughty voice. "You are not welcome here!" The villagers surrounded the clearing and added their murmurs and insults.

"Huh. Because I'm not pure enough for you, Kikyo, is that it?" he shouted.

"Think what you will, but you will leave or die!" she yelled back.

He stopped well within arrow range and put his hands on his hips. "Take your best shot, wench!"

Her lips curling in a snarl of rage, Kikyo did so, letting fly with an arrow aimed right for his heart, the barb humming and glowing with miko magic. Inuyasha waited a half-second, then reached down to the sword at his waist. He drew it: the sword was a rusty antique for a moment, then exploded into its true form, a giant blade nearly as big as he was. In one smooth motion, Inuyasha cut her arrow in half with a thunderous crack. The pieces of the arrow rained harmlessly to the ground.

Kikyo took a step backwards. "What–what–" she stammered. He spun the sword one-handed, smirking at her, daring her to shoot again with his eyes. In pure shock, Kikyo dropped to her knees. "Where did you—how did you–"

Inuyasha grinned wickedly, exposing his fangs. He spun around, leveling the sword at the villagers, who fell back. "All right. Who wants to be next, huh? Who wants some?" He saw Kaede, clutching at the skirt of one of the village elders. "You want some more? HUH!" She shook her head rapidly and hid behind the elder. Inuyasha snorted. That was one person who would never smash a tomato on his head again. He waved the sword around more. "All right, you primitive screwheads, listen up. You see this? This...is my BOOMSTICK!" He shook the sword at the crowd, as if he was about to wade into them and start chopping. 'Boomstick' wasn't an exact translation of Tetsusaiga, but it worked for him, and Inuyasha was pretty sure that the villagers were too dumb to realize it. They were probably born in barns, too.

He decided to explain it to them. "It's real name is Tetsusaiga, the sword of my father, the great Inutaisho. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Totosai's Cave. It goes for about forty thousand koban, I guess." The villagers pressed closer, curious now, looking at their reflections in the sword. "You can't find a sword like this anywhere. Even if you shop smart and shop Sesshoumaru's Mart. You GOT THAT!" He shook Tetsusaiga at them again, and they drew back, all of them nodding in panicked agreement. Clearly, they had no idea what he was talking about, but they weren't about to disagree with him either. Inuyasha grinned wider. Yeah. This was more like it. He was right, too: not even his half-brother Sesshoumaru had a sword like Tetsusaiga.

"Now I swear...the next one of you primates...even _touches_ me..." Inuyasha suddenly whirled around, the sword coming within a hairsbreadth of decapitating Kikyo, who had been walking towards him. "Yo, she-bitch. Let's go."

"I'm sorry, Inuyasha," she said. Her bow was on the ground behind her. She bowed to him deeply. "I'm just a foolish woman...I didn't realize where my loyalties should lie. I was confused by my love."

Inuyasha snorted. "First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me." He contemptously didn't return the bow. He spit to one side contemptously. "Blow."

"You found me beautiful once," Kikyo persisted.

"Honey, you got real ugly. That's what we call pillow talk, baby. That's all." He turned his back on Kikyo, sheathed Tetsusaiga, and walked out of the village, the peasants bowing to him. As he reached the far side of the village, a girl who looked very much like Kikyo ran up to him. Unlike Kikyo, she was dressed in a strange uniform of the future, with a green neckerchief and white blouse that ended above her navel. Her green skirt was short. Very very short. Groovy, Inuyasha thought.

"Oh, Inuyasha," Kagome gushed, her eyes starry.

Inuyasha took her in his arms and bent over her, staring down at her lovely face. "Gimme some sugar, baby." And she did.

* * *

Sango looked down at Inuyasha's sleeping form. The hanyou was smiling and occasionally chortling like a hyena youkai. A sadistic hyena youkai. "I don't know, Miroku. I know he's supposed to go fetch Kagome from her time, but he looks so happy. I don't want to disturb him."

"Nor do I," Miroku replied. Inuyasha murmured something in his sleep, causing Miroku to raise an eyebrow. "What do you suppose he means by 'hail to the king'?"


	5. Well You See

_AUTHOR'S NOTES: Remember when I said I was saving this one for a rainy day? Today it was VERY rainy. I hate computers. Hate them, hate them, hate them._

_Anyway, enjoy..._

THE RING

Shippo's eyes were wide. "And then what happened, Inuyasha?"

Inuyasha was shaking with fright, a very unusual occurrence for him. "It was that magic box of Kagome's! Her brother Souta stuck this black thing he called a 'tape' in and we watched it." Inuyasha gripped the hilt of Tetsusaiga reflexively, his hands trembling. He hated being afraid, but this was different from Naraku. This was the fear of what could not been seen or touched–or stopped.

Around the campfire, the night seemed to close in, the darkness smothering. Sango and Miroku leaned in closely; at first they had assumed this was some sort of prank by Inuyasha, but the fear in his voice was unmistakeable. "From what you've told us, this isn't the first time you've watched one of those 'tapes,' Inuyasha," the monk said. "The last one was something about an army of darkness or something."

"Yeah, but this was different, Miroku!" Inuyasha snapped. "On the 'movie' thing on the magic box, it said that anyone who watched the tape would die in seven days!" Inuyasha looked around the forest, which seemed to reach for him like it never had before. "And it's been seven days!"

Sango laughed, a little too loudly to be genuine. "Oh, please, Inuyasha. You're a hanyou warrior! You shouldn't be afraid of old superstitions. _Who_ is going to kill you?"

"A dead girl...one who drowned in a well. She climbs out from the spirit world and kills you!"

Miroku shook his head and lay down. "Inuyasha, you needn't be worried. How many dangers have we faced together from far worse than some ghost? I will exorcise it if necessary."

Sango turned over and pulled a blanket over her. "Houshi-sama's right, Inuyasha. You're getting as bad as Myoga."

Inuyasha opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it. Maybe they were right. He was a hanyou, after all, and he had slain hundreds of demons. He had Tetsusaiga, and as much as he sometimes hated to admit it, he was among friends. Besides, Kagome was supposed to come back in the morning.

A forlorn Shippo tugged on his hakama. "Inuyasha...I believe you." He looked around nervously. "I'm scared too."

Embarassed at his momentary lapse but not going to admit it, Inuyasha stood up. "Feh," he said, setting his jaw. "I'm not scared or nuthin'. I was just giving a warning–you know, just in case."

Shippo put tiny paws on his hips. "Inuyasha, you're as scared as I am!"

"Ha!" Inuyasha turned and walked over to the Bone Eater's Well. "I'll show you. The only well for miles is right here, and I'll sleep right next to it!" He sat down and leaned against it, setting Tetsusaiga across his legs and folding his arms in his typical defiant pose. Shippo just shook his head and curled up next to the already sleeping Kirara. After awhile, the only sounds coming from the clearing was soft snoring from the four companions and the crackle of the dying fire.

Hours later, Inuyasha's ears twitched as they detected something. The tape that Inuyasha had watched had kept him awake for days on end, and he had fallen into an exhausted sleep soon after he had sat next to the well. Only blearily did he open his eyes to yellow slits.

Outlined by the full moon was the shape of a young girl, with stringy hair. Her face was lost in shadow, but he knew what lay behind that darkness: two milky eyes filled with death. Her gray fingers reached for his throat. Reacting instinctively, that is without thinking, Inuyasha's right hand shot out from his sleeves and hit the ghoul squarely in the face. He was slightly surprised when he felt real flesh and bone behind the darkness, and the girl fell backwards into the well.

Inuyasha jumped to his feet, unsheathing Tetsusaiga with a hiss of steel. "You're not taking me, you undead bitch!" he shouted. "I'm Inuyasha, son of Inutaisho, dammit! I'm gonna jump down there and finish you off, you hear me? I'm going to end your reign of terror right now!" His shouts had already woken the others, who hastily ran towards the well, weapons out as they tried to shake off the cobwebs of sleep. Inuyasha stepped up on the side of the well, preparing to carry out his threat.

"Inuyasha?" The voice came from the bottom of the well, very faint...and very familiar.

The hanyou abruptly halted. Synapses fired in his brain, put two and two together, and got five. He closed his eyes as Miroku, Sango, and Shippo stepped back, having recognized the voice too. Inuyasha took a deep breath, and let it out. "Er...yeah, Kagome?"

"SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT!"


	6. Baka Voorhees

_AUTHOR'S NOTES: Short and sweet again. BTW, I'm not a huge _Friday the 13th_ fan, so if I screwed up Jason's origin–blame _Freddy vs. Jason,_ which is about all the exposure I've had to Mr. Voorhees (other than the original movie). _

_Enjoy as Sentinel screws over yet another horror legend..._

FRIDAY THE 13TH

Jason Voorhees walked silently through the woods. He had no idea why he was suddenly in an area completely unfamiliar to him–these were not the trees surrounding Camp Crystal Lake, that much he knew–but Jason didn't much care. He existed only to slay, in eternal vengeance on the kids who had abused and drowned him, and the oversexed teenagers who had done nothing to stop it. His kills were gifts to his mother, the one person who had ever cared for him. He didn't question why this was so. He only knew it was his purpose in life to kill, even if it meant coming back from the grave.

In the distance was tonight's prey. It was a teenaged girl, foolishly out by herself, taking a bath. If Jason's tortured brain was still capable of higher thought, he might have wondered why he kept running into naked females. Of course, this would have also necessitated thinking about why he felt the need to kill the aforementioned naked females, usually in the most grisly fashion possible. Since his brain had long since lost all but basic thought patterns–kill every human he came in contact with, _especially_ naked human females–Jason didn't think about it. Nor did he increase his pace, maintaining the same steady plod. After all, he had yet to meet too much prey that had escaped him or his machete.

Soft singing in an unfamiliar language reached his ears. His eyes, flitting behind the hockey mask, spotted the clearing ahead, and the steam rising from a hot springs. He began to circle slowly–Jason did know how to use stealth; no point in alerting his victims until just before the machete fell–using the steam as cover. His heavy shoes betrayed little about his presence.

As he drew closer to the tiny pool, he could see his target. Again, had Jason retained the ability to appreciate it, he would have realized that the girl was rather attractive, though a little skinny. Her black hair was tied up in a bun to keep it dry, and she hummed to herself as she washed her arms and breasts. Her back was to him, and Jason's eyes widened a fraction at the terrible scar across it; for Jason, that was a violent show of emotion. He did not stop, however: whatever this girl had gone through, she was just meat for the slaughter as far as he was concerned.

The problem with Jason Voorhees was that he rarely went up against an equal opponent. Though he could not be reasoned with or killed, he wasn't very subtle, or for that matter, very smart. Otherwise, he would've noticed that his prey had stopped singing and that her pale skin was turning rather red–with anger.

"_Damn you, Miroku!"_ the girl shouted. She turned and covered her breasts with one hand while hurling a rather large rock at Jason with the other. Taken by surprise, Jason was caught squarely between the eyes with the small boulder and went down hard.

"I swear to Buddha and all kami that I have had enough of your crap, monk!" the girl yelled. "I'll beat some sense into that thick skull of yours!" Before Jason could regain his feet, he was assaulted by the girl, who wore only a towel but carried a gigantic boomerang. She proceeded to bash Jason over the head with the boomerang for a solid five minutes, as she swore and raved, then finished the job on the now-comatose undead serial killer by kicking him. Her job finished, the girl turned around and stalked back to the springs, picking up her clothes. "Just _once_ I would like to take a bath without having to worry about a perverted jerk of a houshi spying on me! It's bad enough that you ogle me and grab my butt–but this is the last straw, Miroku! And if you think I'm fooled by your stupid mask and those raggedy clothes, you're even dumber than I thought!" And with one final bludgeon to Jason, she stalked off into the darkness.

* * *

Far away, in his castle, Naraku had watched the one-sided battle unfold through Kanna's mirror. He scowled, picked up a pencil, and scratched off Jason Voorhees' name from his scroll. "So much for that idea," Naraku sighed. 


	7. It Was a Dark and Foggy Night

_AUTHOR'S NOTES: Okay, I admit it–I've never seen more than snippets of _The Fog. _And while you could probably write a very scary crossover fic between a demonic fog and the Inuyasha bunch, it's a heck of a lot more fun to write a silly crossover fic. Even if the Fog is more of an innocent bystander in this story._

_BTW, these 13 little pieces of insanity are more or less connected, which means I lied about there being continuity...sorry 'bout that; it was an accident. Somewhere, Jaken is complaining about Rin (big surprise there). At the same time, Freddy Krueger was trying to frighten Kagome and failing miserably. Inuyasha dreamt about playing Ash to Kikyo's Sheila, then at some point went back to Kagome's time and watched _Ringu, _after which he slugged Kagome in the worst mistaken identity ever. Then Jason Voorhees showed up to stalk Sango, which has repercussions in this fic. Of course, that also means that, back in the future, zombies have overrun Milwaukee because Kagura can't read a map. In fact, she's _still _trying to find her way to the Higurashi Shrine, which sets up tomorrow night's and Thursday's ficlettes..._

_Hey, it's not like the real _Inu-Yasha_ series doesn't have a convoluted storyline. Anyway, as always, enjoy–and much thanks to everyone's who has reviewed this story. It really brightens up an otherwise rough week for your intrepid scribe (that's me)._

THE FOG

It was a dark and foggy night. Miroku the monk groped his way through the fog as best he could, hoping the rings on his staff would be sufficient enough to announce his presence to any passerby. That was what they were for, after all–even the most arrogant of samurai would rarely attack a monk, and it would certainly warn any wild animals and other creatures that someone was there. If not, well, Miroku had other ways of dealing with trouble.

_This is bad,_ he thought to himself. _I've never seen fog quite like this. Could it be...supernatural?_ Miroku dismissed that idea. While he had certainly seen enough to be superstitious, he wasn't. He didn't have Kagome's advantage of coming from a world based largely in science, but he had a great deal of common sense--with the exception of the opposite sex, where Miroku had no sense whatsoever. He knew that the fog was likely simply because he was near a river and that conditions were good for fog to develop. With the training of a Buddhist monk, Miroku put aside his fear.

Still, it was very dense, and Miroku, despite himself, was still uneasy. He continued to walk forward for some minutes, trusting his highly-tuned senses that he was traveling in the right direction. It had only been a short distance from a nearby village, where he had picked up a few supplies for the Inu-tachi, to their campsite. Perhaps a mile or two at most. And he was still on the road; he hadn't collided with any of the trees in the surrounding forest. Which was probably a good thing, Miroku thought ruefully. After all, one of the reasons why he had volunteered for the supply run was because Sango had been giving him those I-will-kill-you-very-soon looks. He had made the mistake of peeping on her and Kagome while they had been bathing in the hot springs the night before, and Sango was going bathing again tonight. She had made it plainly clear that Miroku would be risking his life if he tried spying on her, so, being a good monk, he did his best to remove the source of his temptation.

Miroku sighed dreamily, the fog taking a second place to Sango. He really didn't mean to be that much of a pervert. It was just that she entranced him so. Oh, the village women were certainly fine enough, and he enjoyed their attention. But it wasn't the same as Sango's. Perhaps it was because she was a tough fighter in her own right, able to stand her ground as effectively as the men in their group, himself and Inuyasha. Perhaps it was because she, like him, had pretty much lost everything to Naraku. Perhaps it was because she was young and he was young and they were both in the battle of their lives, one which could end those lives at any time.

Or perhaps it was just because Sango had the finest butt Miroku had ever seen. The way that it moved beneath her yukata or her catsuit–especially her catsuit–drove him wild. He certainly meant his groping as a compliment–after all, he liked Kagome, but he hadn't groped her since the first time they had met. She never seemed to understand that he would risk constant slaps, severe head trauma from her hiraikotsu, or even death for that brief moment of bliss whenever he was able to touch her. Besides, it was a lot easier than trying to woo Sango or do what Kagome called "setting the atmosphere." Well, she and Inuyasha weren't getting anywhere, that was for sure.

Miroku was so intent on thinking about Sango and her anatomy that he didn't realize that the fog had grown denser, or that there was now a distinctive demonic aura in the area. One part of Miroku's brain did realize that. It reached up and began ringing the alarm bells, but the other part of Miroku's brain–represented by a mostly naked Sango at this point–kicked the first part to the curb and proceeded to tie it up and gag it. So Miroku, when he needed his common sense the most and his instincts the most, lacked them. He was to pay for it dearly.

Out of the fog loomed a shape. Miroku, lost in a daydream of Sango's kindness and her gentle side (and her bottom), didn't see the figure until he nearly bumped into it. Abruptly, he was jerked back to reality and noticed he was no longer alone. For that matter, he was no longer on the road, but at the edge of the forest. Quickly getting his bearings despite the dense fog, Miroku determined that he was at or near the Inu-tachi's campsite. Seeing the dim shadow of long hair and interesting curves in front of him, Miroku deduced two things quickly: one, the person in front of him had their back to him, and therefore were not likely to be aware of his presence–he was very quiet, nearly as quiet as Inuyasha when he wanted to be. Two, the person in front of him–because of the aforementioned hair and curves–was likely Sango, back from her bath. She was even wearing that pink towel that Kagome had given her as a birthday gift–the one that reduced Miroku to a puddle of drool. If he was wrong and it was Kagome–well, Lady Higurashi had a rather nice behind as well.

So, Miroku instinctively–that is to say, without thinking–reached forward and grabbed. Too late, he realized two other things: one, the demonic aura in the area, and two, that the hair was not black-turned-gray by the fog, but rather white-turned-gray by the fog.

"WHAT THE HELL!" Inuyasha exploded. Also acting instinctively, that is to say without thinking, the hanyou whirled and drove a fist right between Miroku's eyes. The monk put up no defense–he was stricken with horror at the fact that he had just grabbed a handful of upset hanyou rather than upset demon huntress or upset miko. Miroku dropped like an unstrung puppet to the ground and stayed there.

"Inuyasha, what is it?" Kagome asked, stumbling to him through the fog.

Inuyasha bent down. "I think I killed Miroku." He sniffed. "No, he's still breathing." He looked back at Kagome, who had a hand over her mouth in shock. "Hey, he grabbed my butt! The pervert must've gotten confused by this damn fog!"

Kagome bit down on her lip and stepped on Shippo's tail before either of them could dissolve into helpless laughter. Inuyasha didn't notice them, as he smelled Sango coming back to the campsite. "Sango! We're over here!" He doubted that Sango would slap him, mistaking him for Miroku, but Inuyasha was taking no chances now. The demon huntress soon arrived, dressed in her yukata and her bath stuff over her shoulder. She nearly tripped over Miroku. "What the–how did he get back here so fast?" Sango exclaimed. "I could've sworn I just knocked him out over by the hot spring..."


	8. It's Peanut Butter Kagura Time!

_AUTHOR'S NOTES: Anyone who doesn't think _Jaws_ isn't a horror movie has never seen the famous "head falls out of the boat" scene. I jumped three feet when I saw that. _

_Oh, and in the continued interest of continuity (hah!), you will note the repercussions of Kagura's _Dawn of the Dead_ here at the beginning...and some clues where this is going interspersed throughout tonight's ficlette. Before the last clue plows into you like Sango's boomerang, anyway._

_And because there is nudity in this chapter–yes, it's text, but you little perverts have active imaginations–this story is rated PG. Just remember, Kagura is only a two-dimensional character. Even if Takahashi does draw her verrrry nicely._

JAWS

Chicago (AP)– The strange disease first spotted a week ago in the wilds of Wisconsin continues to spread, according to state officials reached at Green Bay this week. According to FEMA and CDC officials, the origins of the disease are not known, and representatives of the CDC in Atlanta today admitted that they have no ideas of the disease's origins. "We think we may know how it is spread–it's a bloodborne pathogen," CDC representative Ritsuko Akagi said in today's press conference. "You should be fine as long as you are not bitten by any of the infected." While Akagi declined to comment on reports from Wisconsin that the only way to deal with an infected host is to shoot them in the head, she was adamant on the name increasingly used by laymen to describe the disease. "These are not, repeat _not_ zombies," she stated. "We think they can be cured. They are certainly not eating the brains of the living–that's just bad horror movies."

Though CDC claims to have contained the outbreak for the most part to southern Wisconsin and northern Illinois, Milwaukee remains closed to all but military personnel for the fourth straight day. Family members attempting to enter Milwaukee to rescue people known to be trapped by the infestation were turned back. And to further complicate the issue, there have been several reports now emanating from England of similar "zombie" cases there...

Kagura might have found this report interesting, if she had known how to read. Since she didn't even know how to read Japanese, let alone English, the report did her little good. It especially didn't when the newspaper it was in hit her in the face at forty miles an hour, just off the tip of Long Island. Kagura swore, tore the paper off her face, and slowly descended towards the calm waters of the Atlantic below, her feather gently riding the wind she controlled.

Kagura was more than a little upset. First, Naraku had managed to mess up his so-called dimension door spell, depositing her not outside Kagome Higurashi's hometown of Tokyo, but instead outside a much-smaller city. Too late, Kagura had realized that she had summoned her dancing dead, allowed them to infect and spread their poison to an epidemic, and had managed to do it to the wrong place. This Milwaukee was nowhere near Japan. Things had gone downhill from there. As a part of Naraku's body, Kagura had the form and intelligence of a grown woman, but the life experiences of a three year old. As such, she never had needed to read or otherwise decipher things such as maps, and now she was hopelessly lost in a modern world she didn't understand or like. Knowing that Tokyo–Edo in her time–was somewhere to the east, she had journeyed that way by feather until she reached a sprawling city on the shores of a bay. She landed there, only to find that the place was called New York City. She had promptly had to defend herself from a thief, but the man had been happy to tell her that Tokyo was further east. Kagura had let him off with a Dance of the Dragon before leaving. She had begun her journey again, only to nearly be eaten by giant metal birds. Flying lower, she had been hit by the newspaper. Now thoroughly disgusted, Kagura stopped on the ocean to ponder her options. "That idiot Naraku," she fumed, slapping the water in frustration.

* * *

Far below, something stirred in the deep. Smaller fish swam out of its way in a hurry as it swam towards the surface, attracted by the sudden commotion. It was huge, this great white shark, over thirty feet in length and armed with a mouth full of razors. For all its lethality and its size, the shark was not too intelligent, its tiny brain only seeing a shadow above it as it swam closer.

* * *

Kagura's stomach rumbled, reminding her she had not eaten in over a day. She looked at the ocean, and the fish. She smacked her lips. As a demon, she could go for days without eating without adverse effects, but Kagura did like a good meal of sushi. With her talents, fishing was easy–all it would take was a magical waterspout or two, and all the fish she would want was hers for the taking. But Kagura was angry, and decided she would fish the old fashioned way. She stripped out of her kimono (yay, text-based fanservice, woo-hoo) and dived naked into the water, a fan in her teeth.

* * *

The shark changed course instantly. Its eyesight was not much better than its brain, so it quickly assumed that the thing that dived in the water was a sea lion. Or perhaps a seal. Either way, it would be tasty.

* * *

As a demon, Kagura didn't need to breathe, so she swam around to her heart's content. Besides, after the mess her dancing dead tended to leave, the smog she had flown through, and the smelly mugger, she figured the bath would do her well, even if it was salt water. At last, she spotted a likely dinner–a tuna. Moving faster than a human could, Kagura closed in, unsnapping her fan for the kill.

Too late, she sensed an even faster presence behind her. Kagura twisted around, only to be confronted with a solid wall of jagged teeth and a cavelike mouth that opened, opened for her.

A brief struggle later, and it was all over. A torn fan drifted silently and slowly into the abyss below. A solitary feather floated on the surface. The shark swam on, content to digest its meal as it looked for more. After all, sharks weren't evil, but like Saiyans, they just lived to eat.

Suddenly, the shark trembled. Had it been human, it would've looked very surprised, for inside its stomach came the muffled words, "You DARE to eat the wind?" The shark then started thrashing around, chasing its tail, and then exploded in a giant underwater mushroom cloud of blood, guts, and gore. (Ew.)

Kagura popped to the surface. Her hair was now completely ruined, one of her fans was gone, and she was bruised and cut from being swallowed whole. "Damn you, Naraku! First you deposit me in some weird world of Kagome's. Then I unleash my dead on the _wrong_ city. Then I get eaten by a frigging shark!" She put her head down on the feather in despair. Then a piece of shark floated by; Kagura scooped it up and ate it. Her face brightened. "Well! Shark-fin soup. Not bad!"

She collected a few more pieces of instant sushi and climbed into her feather. She dressed in her kimono and resumed her flight east, settling into a nice repast. Once she was full, by which time the sun had set, Kagura watched the stars from the safety of her feather, and decided that life could be worse. She was, after all, free of Naraku's influence for awhile. And she had survived a shark attack. And it was a rather beautiful night. "Perhaps when I reach this 'England' island, someone there can give me directions to Higurashi's shrine..."

* * *

"Erm...there's been a bit of a...a mix-up with the table, babe."

"What do you mean?"

"They're full up."

"But...but I thought you said it was all okay?"

"Uh, yes, well..."

"You didn't book it, did you, Shaun."

"No."

"So what's the plan, then?"

"Um...the Winchester?"


	9. That's Not Cricket

_AUTHOR'S NOTES: I've tried to give a basic description of _Shaun of the Dead_ here at the beginning for those of you who haven't seen it. The ending you will have to figure out on your own. It's a great dark comedy. Because of that, it's actually harder to write comedy into a comedy; making fun of Jason and Freddy is a lot easier. I also have to keep it short this time because I have this thing called "life" and this other thing called "work." The latter stinks._

_Anyway, enjoy. Poor Kagura._

SHAUN OF THE DEAD

Shaun was having a bad 24 hours.

First, he was informed by his mother's husband–he refused to call Philip a stepfather–that it was time to visit. Shaun loved his mum, but he despised Philip. Second, he had forgotten to book a restaurant for his anniversary dinner with his girlfriend, Liz. That had resulted in her breaking up with him, especially when he suggested the Winchester. Now the Winchester was Shaun's favorite pub, but they had been there far too many times for Liz. Third, and most immediate, he had woken up from an alcoholic slumber to find his corner of London overrun with flesh-eating undead zombies.

So far, he and his best friend Ed had weathered the outbreak well. They had killed two zombies who had tried to break in and eat them at their flat. They had managed to rescue Shaun's mother without much trouble (Philip had been bitten and would become a zombie soon, but Shaun had an idea for that–cricket bat to the skull). Neither he or Ed had so much as a scratch, and Shaun had made it to his ex-girlfriend's apartment to rescue her as well–and get her back. Shaun wasn't going to let the possible end of the world interfere with his love life, such as it was. Best of all, Shaun had a plan: they would hole up someplace safe, easily defensible, and well-stocked with food and liquids, and Ed could smoke there too.

The Winchester.

Of course, there was the little problem of a zombie horde between them and the Winchester, but Shaun had planned for that, as well. Waiting on the street outside Liz's apartment building was Philip's Jaguar, with Ed behind the wheel and his mum and Philip just behind. Now all they had to do was get through dozen or so shuffling undead between the front door and the Jaguar.

* * *

Kagura looked out over the huge city below her. She was surprised to find one this size in Europe; what she had heard from second-hand accounts, from people who had encountered Portuguese traders, Europe didn't have big cities like Osaka or even Edo. Yet this one was at least as large as Osaka and much bigger than Edo. She had noticed as well that there was some sort of civil insurrection. There was scattered gunfire, and she saw what looked to be fires and riots. Kagura shook her head in disgust. Humans were stupid. They were always fighting. Demons did as well, but at least demons fought for important things like jewels–

She stopped that line of thinking and concentrated on finding a good spot to land and ask directions. Obviously this was the England place that the thief in New York had told her about. It was somewhat familiar territory: some of the second-hand accounts she had heard of the Portuguese also spoke of a place they called 'Ingeles,' and it had to be the same place. Japan shouldn't be much further.

As Kagura swooped low over the city's suburbs, she heard a honking noise. Apparently, it was coming from one of the metal horseless carriages she had seen around in her travels. The sight itself was a wonder; she was curious about what magic made them work, but that was for later. For now, it would do that the carriage's inhabitants would be able to tell her where to go. She cursed softly when the carriage clattered off, but saw that there was a building just off a small park, easily large enough for her to land at. Genuinely smiling for the first time in awhile, Kagura floated to a stop at the park, got out of her feather, and walked towards the door of the building.

* * *

Shaun faced his friends. (Well, Liz was his friend, and he supposed he could call the somewhat ditzy Dianne a friend. David, Dianne's significant other, was a bit of a prick.) "Look, gather any blunt objects together." He hefted his cricket bat, already stained with the blood and gray matter from zombies who had stood in his way. "If you get cornered, give 'em a good bash to the head." Quickly, the trio gathered together some likely household items to smash in zombie brains and readied themselves behind Shaun–who, unconsciously, they were now looking to for leadership. Yesterday, Shaun had been a minor cog in selling appliances in retail; today, he was a man with a mission. "Keep together, stay sharp, and follow me." The other three nodded, gripping their improvised weapons. It was going to be close run for it, and they couldn't afford to be drawn into any fights.

Shaun took hold of the doorknob, glanced once more at Liz, who nervously gave him a nod of approval, then jerked the door open.

Kagura smiled as winningly as was possible for a heartless demon and bowed. "Excuse me, kind sir. Might you be willing to give me directions to the Higurashi–"

Unfortunately for Kagura, Shaun didn't speak Japanese. All he saw was a pale face, bedraggled hair, and blood red eyes. That was enough for him. He brought the cricket bat down squarely on Kagura's head. There was a wet-sounding _thwack_, her eyes crossed, and Kagura slowly sank to the ground with a groan. Shaun leapt over her and began hacking a way through the crowd of zombies towards the Jaguar. Seconds later, they were away towards the Winchester.

* * *

Kagura woke up five minutes later with a splitting headache, finding herself surrounded by zombies. She blinked and sat up. The undead had only gathered around her and not used her as lunch, for Kagura did not smell human, her heart did not beat, and her skin was cold. At some primal level, the zombies understood that this person was the one responsible for their condition, and therefore must not be hurt.

She slowly got to her feet. "No wonder the Portuguese hate this Ingeles place," she said, gripping her head. "The inhabitants are dangerous."

"Errrhmm," one of the zombies moaned.

"I'm fine," Kagura replied. Then she looked around. Realization set in, and she sagged against the wall of the building. "I am in so much trouble when Naraku finds out. I wish I knew where Japan was in this screwed-up time..."

"Urrrrghhh." The zombie nearest her pointed due east. Actually, it did this because it saw a bird fluttering nearby and saw it only as a snack, but as far as Kagura knew, it was answering her question. After all, she didn't speak English.

"That way? How many miles?"

"Errregggh."

"That few? Wonderful! I'll be able to just make dinner." She bowed to the zombie, who copied her out of instinct. "Thank you." And with that, Kagura flew off, leaving the zombie, Shaun, Ed, and England to their fates.


	10. Cute Attacks

_AUTHOR'S NOTES: Sorry about missing a day. Real life intruded with a vengeance and left Sentinel a sleepy otaku. I'll make it up to you readers by giving you a double shot of Inu-Yasha silliness over the next 24 hours._

_Now read on...if you dare..._

THE EXORCIST

Naraku walked through his castle. He was not a happy hanyou. For months he had prepared his most darkest magics, planned his strategy, and awaited the day he would destroy his enemies. Naraku actually had only a few enemies: until recently, he had regarded Inuyasha and his little band as mere irritants. That had changed after Kagome had demonstrated that she was as capable as Kikyo of doing him severe harm. Miroku was from a family he knew well. Sango wanted revenge, and Naraku knew only too well that revenge was a powerful factor. Nonetheless, he _had_ been confident that his plans would remove the Inu-tachi's thorn from his side permanently.

And now it was coming apart. He had managed to discover where Kagome was from, exactly–or perhaps the better word was _when_ she was from–and sent Kagura through time to eliminate Kagome there. There had been no word from Kagura since.

Reversing the plan to send Kagura forward in time, he had searched the universe for the most powerful and demonic serial killers. In Jason Voorhees, he had found one who was unstoppable and who killed because he could. Unfortunately, Sango had put Jason into a coma; rather than have that maniac running around the Sengoku Jidai, Naraku had sent Jason back where he came from. In Freddy Krueger, he had found a demon not unlike himself, though Freddy was not interested in power so much as he genuinely enjoyed killing people with all the panache of an artist. He too had fallen–though Naraku had been able to ascertain that Freddy had attacked Kagome in her dreams, Kagome was still alive and he could no longer sense Freddy presence. Naraku cursed himself for a fool; Kagome was a miko, after all.

Naraku shrugged inwardly. One plan had failed; fair enough. He would hatch another. This time he wouldn't rely on outside help. And if Kagura should return empty-handed, he would punish her as he had never punished anyone before. He would even use the oven mitts this time.

Naraku was about to allow himself an evil laugh when he smelled something coming from his kitchen. Curious, he turned and began walking in that direction. Though Naraku kept a small army of ensorcelled servants and minor demons bent to his will, all the cooking was done in a separate building from the castle. In any case, Naraku ate sparingly, and then only raw meat or perhaps some rice. Eating was a secondary task for him, something he did because his body required it on occasion, not out of any pleasure in the act or in the food.

But whatever was cooking smelled...good. He walked into the castle kitchen and, in a most uncharacteristic thing for Naraku, his mouth dropped open in shock.

Kanna's mirror lay on the table. Kanna herself was just pulling something from the oven, wearing the very oven mitts Naraku planned on using on Kagura. She leaned over and delicately blew on whatever was on the wooden spatula, then gently set the food she had cooked on the bricks lining the oven. Noticing Naraku, she bowed politely and gave him a happy smile, which in itself nearly gave him heart failure.

"Hello, Lord Naraku!" she chirped.

Naraku leaned back against the wall, his mind racing. Kanna had no emotions; that was part of her purpose. The strong emotions he had wanted purged went to Kagura. Kanna existed for three reasons: spying on Naraku's enemies, ripping their souls away into her mirror, and allowing him to watch free cable. She did _not_ exist to cook. And she certainly didn't smile or sing a little song as she puttered around the kitchen.

"Kanna..." he began, for once unsure of what to say, "what are you doing?"

"Baking a cake," she replied, as if Kanna baked cakes every day.

"I...see," Naraku said at length. "Why?"

"Because I felt like it!" She reached onto the low counter, picked up a bowl, and padded over, offering it to him. "Have some, Lord Naraku!"

Wondering if it was poison, Naraku hesitatingly put a little of whatever it was on his finger and tasted. It was fermented bean paste, and it was surprisingly excellent. Before he could stop it, his stomach rumbled audibly. Again, he cursed silently–more of Onigumo's weaknesses, no doubt, for he, Naraku, couldn't be actually enjoying food. It didn't stop him from sampling more of the bean paste.

"Is it good?" she asked.

"It is adequate," he said.

"Just adequate?" Kanna looked insulted, then she suddenly sniffled and began to cry. "Lord Naraku hates my cooking! I'm a failure to my lord!" She picked up the butcher knife from the table. "I must commit ritual suicide for displeasing my lord!"

"Stop!" Naraku commanded her. He needed Kanna far more than any of his other minions. "You may not commit suicide, Kanna, I forbid it."

She did not put down the knife, and instead used it to cut off a hunk of the cake. "Please taste it, Lord Naraku. If it is not good or merely adequate, please let me kill myself. I cannot live with the shame of bad cooking."

Naraku took the piece and ate it. It was excellent, sweet and yet filling as well. "It's good," he remarked. Thinking quickly, he added, "The bean paste was good as well, Kanna. I was merely testing you."

Kanna blinked at him for a moment, then giggled, putting down the knife. "Oh, Lord Naraku, you tease your servant so!" Without further comment, she began preparing some rice, again humming her song.

Suddenly, the truth hit Naraku like a thunderbolt, filling him with rage. "You!" Kanna turned around, her eyebrows raised in question. "You are not Kanna! Who are you–and what have you done with her?"

She said nothing for a moment, then her eyes seemed to change. She smiled slowly–not maliciously, as Kagura might have done or even Naraku himself, but a sweet smile that was all the more terrifying. "I am no longer _just_ Kanna, Lord Naraku," she said in a voice that most assuredly not Kanna's.

"Then who are you, demon?"

She laughed, which chilled Naraku's blood. "You can call me..._Chiyo-chan._" Then she returned to her task. "Cooking is so fun...cooking is so fun..."


	11. A Whole Lots of Scary Stuff

_AUTHOR'S NOTES: Time flies when you're having fun...especially when you realize that you've been goofing off all day and haven't written a chapter yet, and it's nearly 1 AM. Since some of the funniest _Inu-Yasha_ fanfics I've read have been little ones about a paragraph long, I decided to throw a ton of Halloween fun together all at once. So enjoy these little one-shots. Since a few of you have asked in the reviews for more Fluffy-sama, he's here twice. Happy now? Geez._

_A small shout-out to and their "100 Scariest Moments in Horror Movie History." I haven't seen half those movies on that list, and I never will because just the scenes chill my blood. Brrr._

_And no, this is not the final chapter. Halloween night resolves Kagura's journey, and appropriately enough, the last "day" occurs on the Day of the Dead. Wow. So kewl you'd think I planned it that way._

_And speaking of dead people..._

UROTSUKIDOJI (LEGEND OF THE OVERFIEND)

Kikyo stared at the author indignantly. "Don't even _think_ about it."

* * *

SORRY. THE SIXTH SENSE.

"I see dead people," Shippo whispered.

"That's not funny," Kikyo snapped.

* * *

THAT WAS TOO OBVIOUS. THE SHINING.

Tetsusaiga smashed through the door of Kagome's bedroom. "_Here's Inuyasha!" _the maddened hanyou yelled.

"SIT!" Kagome shouted back.

* * *

SO MUCH FOR THAT. POLTERGEIST.

"They're heeeere," Rin said, looking back at Jaken.

"Get behind me," Sesshoumaru ordered. Rin instantly obeyed. The demons charged out of the thunderstorm, only to be felled instantly by Tokujin.

* * *

DAMN, THAT'S NOT WORKING EITHER. HOW ABOUT PSYCHO?

The shadow of a man moved towards the hot springs and jerked back the towels around it, raising his weapon to strike.

"Damn you, Miroku!" Sango screamed. "Not again!" She smashed the perverted monk to the ground with her hiraikotsu. "Second time this week and it's not even Wednesday!"

* * *

UM...NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD?

"Zombies everywhere!" Kagome screamed. "They're coming to get me, Inuyasha!"

"Relax," Miroku smiled, and unwrapped the glove covering his right hand.

"Heh heh," Inuyasha chuckled, raising Tetsusaiga for the Wind Scar.

* * *

ER...INDEPENDENCE DAY?

"AAAAAAGGGHHH!" Kagura screamed as her feather was hit by a mile-wide laser bolt from the alien mothership, orbiting over Russia.

* * *

THEM?

"THEM!" Shippo screamed in utter terror.

"Who's them?" Kaede asked.

"Them," Shippo replied in a calmer voice. "You know...they."

"They?"

"Them!"

"Who's on first?" Kagome wanted to know.

* * *

OH, THE HELL WITH IT. A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (AGAIN).

"Ah, crap," Freddy Krueger sighed as he realized whose dream he had invaded this time.

"How dare you attempt to interfere with Rin's dreams," Sesshoumaru snarled, unsheathing Tensaiga.


	12. It's a Kami, Charlie Brownu!

_AUTHOR'S NOTES: Since I have no idea if_ A Charlie Brown Halloween_ still airs on TV, some of you may not get the jokes in this. Still, it's enough of a cultural icon for people to get the drift. _

_Yomi Mizuhara, Tomo Takino, and Ayumu "Osaka" Kasuga are more characters from _Azumanga Daioh, _while Kaolla Su is from _Love Hina. _And kami are spirits, which Shinto believes inhabits all things–including, most certainly, pumpkins. I'm pretty sure they have pumpkins in Japan. If not, you shouldn't worry about that and other science facts. Ofuda are the strips of paper inscribed with prayers that Grandpa Higurashi uses (ineffectively) and Miroku uses (very effectively)._

_Enjoy and hope you had a good Halloween. Last chapter tomorrow (hopefully)...this one I'm going to try and actually make scary. If you can actually get scared from something text-based, without the author writing things like all work and no play make Jack a dull boy all work and no play make Jack a dull boy__ all work and no play make Jack a dull boy all work and no play make Jack a dull boy all work and no play make Jack a dull boy_

_Damn. That's annoying, isn't it? No wonder Jack Nicholson went nuts in _The Shining.

"And then the Great Pumpkin rises out of the pumpkin patch to give toys to all the good girls and boys!" Souta Higurashi proclaimed.

Yomi Mizuhara looked less than convinced. "You're kidding, right?"

"Ah think it's entarly plausible," Ayumu Kasuga (better known as Osaka) said helpfully.

"Whatever," Yomi sighed. "Anything to get away from Tomo for a night."

Souta noticed the tone in Yomi's voice, and knew she doubted the existence of the Great Pumpkin. Osaka, he knew, would believe anything, so having her believe him wasn't necessarily a compliment. Still, Souta thought, they would all believe him soon enough.

The Great Pumpkin was a Higurashi family legend, one that Grandpa had told him on several occasions. Souta's mother always smiled politely, her common reaction to when her father started saying weird things, but Kagome openly scoffed. Souta thought that insulting to Grandpa–after all, Grandpa had always insisted the legend of Inuyasha Who Seeks the Shikon no Tama was true as well, and it was.

Besides, Souta had looked the legend up on the internet. It had to be true.

Basically, it went something like this: on the last day of the month of October, a great pumpkin kami would rise up out of a selected pumpkin patch in Japan. It had to be the most well-kept, sincerest pumpkin patch as well. Then it would go around and leave such gifts as wooden toys, sweet bean paste and rice balls for children who had obeyed their parents during the year. When dawn approached on the first day of November, the kami would return to the patch and sleep for another year. Souta did have his suspicions on Grandpa's recent statement that the Great Pumpkin also handed out chocolates, since Grandpa had a weakness for them, as did Kagome. But that was all right: Grandpa could embellish all he liked; the core of the legend was true. Of that, Souta was as certain as he was of Inuyasha's existence.

He wished Kagome and Inuyasha could be there with him to see the great kami, but they were back through the well in the Sengoku Jidai. He smiled to himself because he had managed to convince the slightly naive and gullible hanyou to watch a "secret tape" a week ago that would kill those who saw the little girl at the end. That, of course, was just a movie, and Souta had made sure he was out of the room when the girl appeared. The screams of horror from Inuyasha was fun enough, though Mama had to buy a new TV after Inuyasha had summarily demolished it, screaming "_Die, demon bitch from hell!"_

Which left the people at school to keep him company. A lot of his classmates avoided him, as they believed that the various diseases Kagome supposedly had were contagious. (Grandpa's excuse that Kagome had ebola had caused a mass panic, before he convinced them that he actually meant that she just had cramps.) Still, he had a few buddies, but Souta knew better than to ask his guy friends. He was reaching that tender age of youth when boys suddenly realize that girls aren't entirely icky, but before the stage where boys made incredible fools of themselves trying to ask the girls out. Of his classmates, only some of the girls from Class 2 would take him up on the offer of sitting in a pumpkin patch at the Higurashi Shrine at the beginning of winter–the bookish Yomi Mizuhara, and the slightly dense Ayumu Kasuga. Souta was wise beyond his years, and had rightly not invited two girls who would claim to be interested in the Great Pumpkin, but would actually use the opportunity to demolish said pumpkin patch–Tomo Takino and Kaolla Su.

"Ah'm cold," Osaka said, shivering.

"I'm sorry," Souta replied, and took off his coat. He draped the coat around Osaka's shoulders, and she smiled up at him, warming his heart. "You should drink your hot chocolate before it gets cold, and it'll warm you up."

"Chokolit don't agree none with me," Osaka replied sadly.

Yomi was about to say that she was leaving, that she was dumb for coming out here, and Souta as insane as his plague-infested sister, but then there was a sudden rustling in the patch. "What's that?" Yomi whispered, turning pale.

"It wasn't me," Osaka insisted.

"No, it's coming from over there," Souta said excitedly, his pulse beginning to race.

"Probably your cat."

"Buyo's inside," Souta rasped. He had made sure of that, and gotten a promise from Mom that the cat would stay inside all night.

"Maybe it's that weaird guy yer sister hangs out with–" Osaka began, but Souta cut her off, stabbing a finger at where the sound was coming from. "Look!" he cried.

Sure enough, something was rising from the pumpkin patch. It was near invisible in the moonlight, but it was definitely human-shaped–not a fat cat or a dog dressed as a World War One flying ace. Souta noticed that the shape was definitely female; there was nothing in the legend about that, but the Great Pumpkin didn't have a gender. His eyes were as big as platters now; Osaka was smiling insipidly and Yomi looked two seconds from heart failure.

The figure glided forward into the light. They saw that it had pale skin, dark and bedraggled hair, a torn and scorched kimono, and angry, angry blood-red eyes. The latter was enough for Yomi: she screamed and fled for the front gate of the shrine. Osaka's smile merely stayed in place as her eyes rolled back into her head and she collapsed in a dead faint.

Souta, on the other hand, was unfazed. Kami weren't all beautiful, and only a fool judged on appearances. "Are you the Great Pumpkin kami?" he asked, bowing deeply to the woman.

The woman looked at him haughtily. "No," she snapped.

Souta straightened, thinking _Uh oh._ Kagome and Inuyasha had many enemies, and he had a sinking feeling he was about to meet one. The woman suddenly snapped open a fan, but it broke in half. She let out a sigh and tossed it over her shoulder. "Look," she said with exasperation, "I've been lied to, robbed, nearly run over by giant metal birds, eaten by a shark, had my skull staved in with a cricket bat, and blown up by aliens. I finally find Japan and I was just getting some well-earned rest when _you_ showed up and started talking about some damn pumpkin! Do I _look_ like a pumpkin to you?" Souta knew that you never responded to questions about a woman's weight; his sister had taught him that painful lesson, so he stayed quiet. "I just want to know one thing," the woman continued. "Is this the Higurashi Shrine?"

"Yes." Souta saw no point in lying. There was a sign proclaiming that fact only a few feet away. He screwed up his courage as best he could, swallowed, and asked, "Are you here for my sister?"

"Yes," the woman said, this time with a great sigh of utter relief.

"Are you a demon?"

"Again, yes."

"Are you evil?"

"I prefer the term 'lawfully challenged.'"

Souta shook his head. "Sorry. She headed back through the well a few days ago. Her and Inuyasha both."

"You're kidding."

"Nope."

She looked towards the house. "Then I'll destroy the house. That should make Kagome's life miserable."

"You can't do that either," Souta said, thinking fast. "See those ofuda? They'll kill you if you try to hurt me or the house. My grandfather is a great magician, the descendant of the great miko Kikyo and Kagome's mentor," he lied smoothly. Grandfather Higurashi was probably only distantly related to Kikyo, and he and his ofuda would be about as effective against an evil kami as throwing a pie at her. As far as mentoring Kagome, Hojo did more of that than Grandpa ever did.

The woman's face fell and she slowly dropped down to sit on a pumpkin. To Souta's surprise, she began to cry. "I try to be a good demon," she sniffed. "I do everything I'm asked. I don't haunt people's dreams or kill for fun. I just can't take this anymore. I just can't..."

Souta reached up and patted her shoulder. "There, there." He picked up Osaka's still warm hot chocolate. "Here, have some of this."

The woman looked at him with puffy eyes. "With all that's happened to me, and given that I was sent here to kill you, do you really think some confection will help?"

Souta shrugged. "It can't hurt."

Deciding not to argue with that logic, the woman took the chocolate and sipped it. She blinked in surprise. "This...this is good." She took a long drink. "This is really good!"

"Souta Higurashi," he said, putting out a hand Western-style.

The woman hesitated, then smiled and took the hand. "Kagura."

"Really? I know a girl in my class named Kagura. Pretty name."

"Why, thank you..."


	13. The End is Not the End

_AUTHOR'S NOTES: Aha! The scariest part of _Inuyasha's 13 Days of Halloween_ was the author not posting the last chapter, right? Right?_

_Okay, maybe not. Sorry. Real life once more intruded on the idyllic life of a fanfic author, and sleep became much more important than updating. Oh well...absence makes the heart grow fonder...right?_

_Anyway, here it is: the last chapter. Those of you who have seen the original _Carrie_ will recognize at least part of the scene, so there is a crossover here. I actually did try to make this less humorous and more frightening. Originally, I was going to end this with Freddy Krueger once more, this time being absorbed into Naraku, which would have ended up with Naraku sporting a nasty bladed glove, but it would take away from the way this story ends. Besides, gotta leave something for next year. Maybe Kagura will get her revenge on everyone then..._

_I hope you enjoyed it–I really appreciate all the reviews, which have been fantastic (with one exception, but trolls are trolls). We'll have to do this again sometime._

The quest was over.

The Inu-tachi had won.

Naraku was dead, if one could claim that he was ever truly alive to begin with. It had taken a team effort to put the arch-demon down–arrows from Kagome and Kikyo, Miroku's wind tunnel, Sango's hiraikotsu, and even some distracting foxfire from Shippo. Naturally, it had been Inuyasha who had landed the final blow, a Wind Scar of incredible force, saving the life of his half-brother Sesshoumaru, who had been felled by Naraku. Tensaiga had kept Sesshoumaru alive to enjoy their victory, and he and Inuyasha had made a peace treaty of sorts.

The Shikon no Tama, with Kouga's reluctant giving up of his shards, was complete again, purified. Miroku and Sango had left Kaede's village that morning, with a promise to visit often; they were going to rebuild the demon hunters' village, with the newly freed Kohaku. Miroku had looked decidedly pleased to begin "rebuilding" of his own: now free of the curse, he and Sango were free to raise a family. Shippo had struck out to build his own legend. Sesshoumaru had returned to western Japan, to manage the family lands, with Rin and Jaken in tow. And Inuyasha? He had decided to remain a hanyou and at Kagome's side, even if that side meant going to the future. Even Kouga got a happy ending of sorts. Though he had failed to win Kagome's heart, Ayame's hand in marriage and becoming leader of a united wolf tribe was a pretty decent consolation prize.

It had left only one person to suffer. Kikyo.

Purifying the Shikon no Tama from Naraku's evil had required the life of a miko. Kagome had been willing to sacrifice hers, but Kikyo had insisted on that right. "If you die, Inuyasha will never forget you. He would never be happy," she had explained. "I have nothing, Kagome. Not even a true body of my own. I was reborn by accident, and I want only to be as free as the monk or the demon hunter's brother." And so Kikyo, with a strange smile on her lips, had willingly stepped into death, her body dissolving into the ground near the Goshimboku. Inuyasha had been heartbroken, but Kikyo had insisted that he live–for her own sake, and for his. She released him from his vow to follow her into the afterlife.

Now Kagome stood alone in the middle of the night, dressed only in a nightgown, before the Goshimboku tree. Surrounding her were the lights of Tokyo. Back in the house was a sleeping Inuyasha. Though they were firmly in love–they had consummated that fact this night–Kagome felt a deep debt to her ancestor, whose remains lay beneath the tree even here in the modern world. Perhaps the tree nourished itself on the clay and bones that had been all the undead Kikyo had been.

"There was never any love lost between us, Kikyo," Kagome whispered as she stared down at the spot. "I wanted you gone as much as you wanted me dead. Yet, at the end, we were able to make peace for Inuyasha's sake, not for our own. You have my respect...and my prayers." She knelt down and dusted some weeds from the grave, intending to say those prayers in tribute to a woman who had been neither enemy nor friend.

Without warning, a hand suddenly shot from beneath the soil and grabbed Kagome. Kagome screamed in surprise, but reflexes learned from three years of fighting Naraku were already working: she jerked backwards to get away, scrambling with her feet.

To her horror, she drew back out of her grave nothing less than Kikyo herself–or what was left of her.

No longer was Kikyo the beauty she had been in life and that the witch had sculpted to be again. Her miko robes were badly deteriorated and filthy; her hair was stringy and matted, and both arms were slimy and rotting. Her face was somewhat intact, a shadow of once was. One eye socket was empty and the lips had decomposed, exposing a death's head grin; the remaining eye burned with an fiendish glow. At that moment, Kagome knew she was not facing some mindless zombie, but Kikyo herself.

"What do you want?" Kagome demanded.

"What do I want?" Kikyo rasped back. "What have I always wanted, Kagome?"

"You died!" Kagome insisted. "You willingly died to purify the Shikon no Tama! You told Inuyasha he was free!"

Kikyo's smile grew wider, if that was possible. "I waited fifty years in hell to be reborn by Urasue, Kagome. Waiting four hundred years was not more difficult. And if I could change my mind once, I could do so again." She began to sink back into her grave, her grip on Kagome's arm still tight. "He's mine, Kagome, once you're out of the way once more."

"You can't have him!" Kagome screamed. "You can't have Inuyasha! You can't drag him back to hell–he won't follow!"

Kikyo cackled in a very-Naraku like manner. "Who said anything about dragging _Inuyasha_ back to hell, Kagome?"

Kagome abruptly realized that Kikyo's grip was no accident. She too was being pulled under the earth. Frantically, Kagome tried to tear away from Kikyo, ripping away skin and muscle to expose white bone, but to no avail. She screamed and shouted for Inuyasha, but there was no sign of him. Her mouth filled with soil and her eyes clouded over with dirt and—

* * *

"Kagome! _Wake up!"_

At the sound of Inuyasha's voice, she abruptly snapped awake. She looked around with wild eyes, but everyone was there: Inuyasha, Miroku, Sango, and Shippo. Kirara mewed at her feet with concern. Once she had gotten her senses back, Kagome glanced at Miroku's right hand. It was still covered in a glove. It had all been a dream–and a nightmare.

"Are you okay?" Inuyasha asked, concern in his eyes. Kagome grabbed at his hakama, nodding, unable to speak. He held her until she stopped shaking. Her pajamas were soaked in sweat.

Then Miroku took a swipe at Sango's butt, which elicited the usual squeal of surprise, scream of curses, and slap of monkish cheek. Shippo rolled his eyes and Inuyasha yelled to knock it off, dammit, Kagome's trying to sleep. She smiled. Things were okay. It was normal.

Her smile faded suddenly, because she felt Kikyo's eyes on her. Somewhere in the forest, her undead rival watched...and waited.

Because there was something Kagome was afraid of, after all.


End file.
